so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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