I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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