my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
