you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize