the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize
