y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
