I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
