You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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