did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize