I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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