I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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