In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
