I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
