totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
