So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
