You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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