She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize