So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
