Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
