i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
