who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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