his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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