im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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