I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize