Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
