I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
