It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
