Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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