....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love accidental penises.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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