okay pat passed out under dana's car
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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