The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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