So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
