dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize