rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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