Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
