hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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