I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
