I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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