i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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