i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
