Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
