i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
