Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
