i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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