I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
