Betty ford says i'm here all night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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