I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
