Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize