Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
