that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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