Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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