my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
