This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
