He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
