I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
