i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize