Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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