One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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