Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
