I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
