she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
