You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
