I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize