Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I could make wine with my vomit
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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