I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
