Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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