I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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